You’ve gotta get up and try

Music lately has been healing me in a deep way. It is the lyrics of the artists and their passion they put behind the words. In the song P!nk she says a few things that struck cords in me. I have been seeing my patterns. The deep ingrained views that I have on myself that are frankly, incorrect. I am a good person. I have a beautiful soul and I am capable of doing great things. But for some reason I have been putting myself down, criticizing myself, lying to myself and sabotaging myself. For no reason really. Because I didn’t/don’t (I’m learning and trying) love myself. I am getting there though.

And just because it burns doesn’t mean your gonna die.
You gotta get up and try and try and try and try. Why not?

We have to realize, I’m sorry, I have to realize. I cannot tell you what to do. Just because it burns doesn’t mean your gonna die. I have taken so many things to be the end of the world. They are simply waves in the ocean. I truly believe we create these waves so we can see ourselves. If we are never put to any test, we will never really grow. And honestly, some of us must have wanted to grow a lot and others chose to be teachers. They chose to be the mean and angry and suffering so they could help us grow. It’s okay. We will be okay. We will die, yes. Every single person and thing on this planet eventually dies. It happens. It sucks when it feels too soon or in a horrible way, yes, but in a way to help so many of us grow.

Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times
Why do we fall in love so easy?
Even when it’s not right

This verse stuck out so much to me. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I saw the pattern. I picked guy after guy that wasn’t the best for me. I chose guys that hurt me and were not good for me. Over and over again. Many of them had signs from day one. Some of them I wasn’t even attracted to. Why did I not listen to my heart and wait for what I really deserved, needed and wanted?

I didn’t believe it was possible.

The one’s I really liked were out of reach (in my mind) so I settled and I stayed. I stayed way too long over and over again, not realizing that I deserved better.

And if I would have BELIEVED I deserved better, I would have attracted better. But I didn’t. I didn’t believe I deserved. I took what I could get… and sadly, could have honestly had any one I wanted. And I still can. That is okay. But the thing that changed was my belief. Now, I see that I deserve better. And I am not saying that I am better or anyone is. I don’t believe in better or worse.

I attracted what I BELIEVED I deserved. I didn’t believe I deserved the better. Once I started believing a little bit better about me I started attracting more stable people. But that is a whole other story to share.

When we lose someone that we love more than anything it is so hard to move on. But we have to. Life gives us lesson after lesson, wave after wave. Let’s not drown and lose ourselves in the stories. Can we see there may be something bigger going on? Can we try, despite feeling so beat down? Can we love ourselves and humanity?

Breathe in. Breathe in as deep as feels right.

Let it all go.

Just because it burns, doesn’t mean your gonna die.

Come on peeps, we got this.